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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Life's funny directions

I have so much to write about today. First off, we are at a crossroads in our family. It's looking more and more like David will not get into the only law school he applied to, BYU. We have had a real roller coaster since he applied. We were looking for an apartment just about the time acceptance letters were going out, and we found out that on-campus married housing was available. So, we told the admissions office to let the housing office know the second we were accepted so that we could move it. A few days later, we got an email from the housing office. Great! We were in. We started moving and getting settled. Well, about a week goes by, no acceptance letter. David calls the admissions office and his application is still in review. A goof-up by the housing office and we are already in the apartment. We were living with my parents in two bedrooms for nearly a year and there was no way I was going back. So we continued to live here in the hopes that he would get accepted.

Well, David was put on the waiting list. Then he was put on the very short waiting list. About a week ago, he went to talk to the Dean of Admissions. He was told that they just weren't having as many people go as they normally do and that the chances were not good for this year. He talked to them again, and they are just not having openings. We cannot stay here if we are not students. It's been a really hard few days. David is going to apply next year and to more schools this time (he only applied to BYU). The sad part is that if he had applied last year, he would have easily got in. I know it can change from year to year, but it's frustrating. BYU is such an amazing deal for law school. It's hard to think about paying $14,000 more a semester (or is it a year? Whichever, that's a lot of moola). Anyway, we are looking at our options. I am a major planner, so it's hard for me to just have our plans go astray and so quickly. I also love where we are living right now. I've just gotten settled and started to make friends, which is not always the easiest for me.

On the good news side, I found out today that I made the Paper Posies design team! I'm nearly bursting with excitement! I really wanted this and I knew that the competition was so stiff. I was sure I wouldn't get it. I just love Anna's kits and there's no way I could afford to buy them every month, but that's just one perk. I'm so excited to be working with such great people and to have so many wonderful oppertunities. I am truly blessed. I cannot wait to get started with this.

On a related note, I've been looking at my work, and I think I'm really starting to be satisfied with it. I think I've been trying too hard lately. My favorite layouts are from a year to six months ago, and that's just when it started to seem more like work and less like a hobby. I also have the very bad habit of comparing myself to everyone I see and wishing my style was like that person, instead of like my own. That's just crazy, and it doesn't help one bit. I'm ready to embrace who I am as a scrapbooker and let my self-critism go. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself when I've been so successfull, more successful than I could have dreamed 18 months ago.

And in the spirit of more self-examination (boy, I have an addiction here), I realized as we were looking at apartments today that I'm more willing to put myself out there. Ever since my online fiasco, I've started to care less about what people think of me. I guess I was so careful and was still misjudged and misunderstood, and that was about the worst that could have happened to me and there was no way I could have really prevented it. It was actually freeing I think. I'm still not great at talking to new people or asking them questions to get them talking, but I feel more able to freely be myself.

And I still haven't found my EZ Mount. Grrrrr.
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