A few weeks ago, I had David take some photos of me in the backyard. I've been thinking for a while that I needed some new ones for the blog.
It did not go well.
I'm turning my blog into a bit of a confessional. A Mormon confessional. I have a lot of body issues--meaning, I generally don't like mine. I don't want to not like my body. I want my issues to go far far away. I'm working on it, but it's such a tough issue. Intellectually, I know I'm not close to overweight. My BMI is near the top of the healthy range, but it's in the healthy range. I've recently been changing my diet to include a lot of whole grains and tons more veggies. I haven't had a frozen pizza in weeks. Ice cream is a different matter entirely. Oh well, we all have our vices.
I'm not perfect at exercising (especially lately, as we've been playing musical cars, someday I'll do a post on it), so it's been harder to get to the gym. But I'm in pretty decent shape. I can get my heart rate up and keep it there.
There are features about myself that I really like. I love my naturally tan skin. I love my full lips and my smile. I think I have very pretty hands. I have a good nose.
I also firmly believe that everyone has things that are beautiful about them.
So why is it that when I look at a picture of myself, all I see are the flaws? I know so many women who struggle with this. It's so sad. I really want to love my body. I think in many ways, it's amazing what it can do. Heck, there are four beautiful children running around creating chaos that are a testament to the amazing things this body can do. Must focus on those things and not the stupid, superficial things that don't even matter. And things I don't even care about or notice in other people, only in myself.
Oooo, let's blame the media and social conditioning. You probably don't want to get me started on all that. I could rant and rant, but I think I'm too tried for all that today.
Anyway, I had David try again on Monday. It went better this time.
Cute, no? No idea why I tend to squish myself all down--I have the worst posture. I do have a neck, promise. Still I like them a lot for the most part.
And then I saw this one. There might have been actual squealing. Pig noises. I think I refrained from grunting. You'd have to ask David.
Because I love that photo. I think I want to walk around looking like that all time--might look a bit strange while riding roller coasters or cooking, but I'd take it. It's a little bit "Glamour Shots by Deb," but dang, who cares, because I actually like this one! I bet I could even wallpaper one of the walls of our master bedroom with it and David wouldn't mind, right? Maybe we could cut the lawn to look like it? Or perhaps tile the bathroom floor? I don't know, but it's my favorite picture of myself, ever. Pardon my excitement.
I kind of want to change out all the various and assorted photos of me on the blog for this one.
Do you like another one better? Do you think it's too serious for my blog? I wouldn't call this a serious blog (most of the time). Thoughts? Opinions? Slaps for my strange body dislike? Any calls to repentance for being so hard on myself? Or for loving that photo too much?