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Friday, March 21, 2008

I'm Having a Hard Time Right Now

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Things have been crazy around here. Some of you might not know that I suffer from depression. For the first time, I went to see a doctor about it about three months ago. I got on some medication which was like a miracle. It really helped me be more even, have more energy and it was so much easier to control my thoughts. Unfortunately, in the last week, it stopped working, and I had a very bad low. Worse than when I'm not on medication. It quite freaked me out. Usually my depression just makes me seem really lazy and mellow and sad, but not so that you could tell. People might just find me grumpy with low self esteem. But last week was real depression with crying and everything. I even lost interest in reading! After a few days of this, I stopped taking my meds, which helped. I really need to do something else, but that kind of explains my absense from things.

Aubrey is still sick. Last Monday I took her to the doctor again with a high fever. Another ear infection, or rather, one that hasn't gone away yet. She's been very cranky, waking up four plus times a night. And on top of the ear infection, she is teething. Yay. Poor thing. Poor mommy. I really need more regular sleep. I had a very bad migraine yesterday because of a combination of hormones and little sleep (been getting them 2-3 times a week lately). It got so bad that David took me to the UrgentCare, where we waiting for two hours to be seen. But at last I saw a doctor and they gave me two shots, which were pretty painful (right in the hip). I was thinking for a bit that the cure was worse than the headache. It did help a lot though, and by the time I fell asleep at 12:20, the pain was almost gone, both from the shots and the headache. Another benefit is that I was supposed to pump for 6-8 hours, which means that David got to take over the night feedings. She ate right before we all fell asleep at 12:20 and another time during the night, no idea what time! Hehe! Thanks, hon, you're the best. I woke up this morning feeling great!

I've been wanting to wean Aubrey, because I know it will help with the depression--one of the many reasons I don't love breastfeeding, but she would refuse to take a bottle or sippy cup. When I got up, she was happy to take one after the two she got from Daddy last night. So, nows the time to make a choice. I think I will keep on with the bottles. I'm just not sure I can keep the breastfeeding up. She's already the longest I've ever made it (I weaned Xander at 6 months, Griffin and Maxton were 9 months, Aubriana is almost 10 months). I know some women love to breastfeed, and while I love the closeness and providing for my baby, it messes with my hormones so badly and does weird things to my personality. I pretty much loathe it. Poor David. I'm not sure if he or I even know what I'm like normally! :P I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for most of our marriage (something like 6 months out of the last 6.5 years I've not been pg or bf).

Anyways, that's my exciting life. Really, we're going to be ok. I'm planning on seeing the doctor again to talk about the depression and the migraines. And soon Aubrey will get her tooth and figure out that screaming all night is not fun. :)

To close, some pictures of Aubrey at the egg hunt we had for the kids at my mom's house last Tuesday. She was surprisingly interested in the contents. She would lean the bucket over, grab whatever was closest and try to shove it in her mouth before I could move the bucket and take out the soggy wrapper. I kept letting her try, just because it was so DARN CUTE.

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  1. It's so hard when you're not feeling like your ol' self...I so wanted to breastfeed...and with each one of my children I found it harder and harder...6 mos with my first, 5.5 with my second and 5 with the third and last...I blamed the first two on my depression because I had to go back to work...but honestly, it wasn't that...I do think that some women have an amazing nack for staying normal while bf-ing...not me...pat yourself on the back for everything wonderful you've done for your children...and please don't feel guilty if/when you stop've already given them a huge benefit!

  2. Hang in there Kara. It's always difficult when a child is sick to drag your spirits into the sewer. Hopefully she'll start feeling better real soon. Lots of cheery thoughts coming your way!

    I tagged you BTW. Check my blog for details. ;)

  3. The way you are when bf-ing is how I am when I'm pregnant. I know that horrible sleep-deprived, helpless feeling. I hope things get better for you very soon. I know there's nothing anyone can SAY to make it better, but I'm glad you're going to see a DR. It's always so bad when on top of everything else, your sweet baby is sick :( I know the pain of migraines and to have all those things working against you.... PLUS a migraine! You'll be in my prayers! HUGS!!

  4. I'm so sorry you are having a really down time. Sicks kids, meds not working, and a migraine all sound like ingredients for some very yucky feelings. Give yourself permission to feel it. :) Can't wait to see you on Saturday. It will be a nice reprieve. :)

  5. Kara-
    We don't know each other well..I popped in here and read this, and just wanted to send you some hugs!

    Oh hang in there! I remember when all my kids were little, and sick and life felt completely overwhelming. The get older, and do more for themselves, and it will get easier! I promise!

    You are a good mom. ((hugs to you))

  6. I sure hope that you feel better soon, Kara. Maybe the dr needs to change your dosage or you got tolerant to that brand . I would definitely check with him. Hang in there girl!


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