Children suck brain cells. Of all the things about parenting, this was the one I was least prepared to face. I mean, people warn you all the time about the sleepless night, the endless crying, the tortures and mysteries of trying to get a child to urinate and defecate in the right place, but no one actually tells you it makes you stupider. Your brain is supposed to recover, but clearly, mine has not.
In my quest to prove my brain has left the building, I had a series of blonde moments and near catastrophes involving u-turns and forgotten children this week. Or, forgotten child, I should say. The child being my poor nephew Hyrum who is as cute enough to deserve a children’s book series based on him, and therefore, does not deserve to be forgotten. My excuse is that he started it several months ago by disappearing when he was supposed to be getting into my car and getting carpooled home, but instead was running off in the opposite direction and camouflaging himself among about a million little kids. Some of the scariest moments of my life.
Yesterday, deprived of brain cells and used to picking up the kids from school instead of taking them (Melissa and I trade weeks), I made it to the first stop sign before realizing I was missing one of the key children of which this trip was designed to transport. I felt dumb, blond moment, hello, but I did and nice safe u-turn in which no one was endangered, and drove the two blocks back to his house.
The next day, being this morning, I managed to make it all the way to school before realizing that I was again missing an important child. I was thinking of how to make my first million (hahahaha) and wasn’t paying attention to little details, like going to Hyrum’s house to pick him up. So, I let Xander get out, run back to Hyrum’s house, grab him, and go back to school. I think he was late, poor guy. Luckily, I don’t think he noticed much that I forgot him. He was too busy pestering Maxton and gnawing through his seatbelt.
I was merrily driving along behind some sort of pest control truck, when it pulled over to the side of the road. I was going to go past him, when I realize he is not pulling over to the side, but doing a u-turn. I almost t-boned him, but stopped in time and made my shock and displeasure known by honking the horn. I had a mix of emotion at the time, including relief at not getting in an accident, pride at having not totally lost my head and for once in my life, appropriately honking my horn instead of never letting stupid drivers know how stupid I find them, disgust at his stupidity, because really, who does a u-turn in the middle of the road without looking behind him? and a little bit of shock. I feel justified in being totally pissed off, since I, despite having reduced brain cells from pregnancy, I managed to make a safe u-turn on the very same road the day before. Apparently, pest control people loose more brain cells than pregnant women, poor guys.
Now I’m home, trying to recover some calmness with See’s chocolate and strawberry lime Jones soda. I need a nap.